Elena Ferrante’s "My Brilliant Friend" Makes Me Realize We All Want To Be Perceived as Brilliant
It’s been a while since I've written a post about a book that I read, but trust me I still have my nose in a book or rather my ear to the book. Since reading Sharp Objects, I finished two other books by listening to them on Audible. Those posts will be coming as well, but I wanted to write this one while it was still fresh on my mind. I began reading My Brilliant Friend about two weeks ago but forgo the chance to read it at the beginning of the summer. I had six unused Audible credits that were about to disappear so I went on a downloading spree. Below are the books I downloaded:
Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman
Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxanne Gay
Smoke and Mirrors: Short Fictions and Illusions by Neil Gaiman
Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes
There There by Tommy Orange
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
In the process of deciding what to download, I consulted my literary spouse who is the push behind my newest stride to read more. To put his literary love into context, this year he’s currently read twelve books while I have finished 6. We currently have a weekly routine of hanging out at the Starbucks Cafe in Barnes and Noble. He's usually picked up 3 books in the 15-minute drive it takes me to meet him there after he’s off from work. Since August, we have gone to 4 different book sales and picked up hundreds of books. His classroom library now has over 400 books so it was only natural that I start reading more.
When soliciting his recommendations for books to download, he suggested My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante. He explained that this book was very popular in Europe and had heard good things. I read the description, gave it a sample listen, but ultimately decided against it. I was not interested in reading another story about friendships after reading Waiting to Exhale. Instead, I used my credits to buy the books listed above.
Fast forward to one of the book sales he went to without me. He shows me that he picked up My Brilliant Friend and mentioned it was to be turned into an HBO series. Now, I am not trying to make a habit of only reading books once I find they are to be adapted to screen, but I decided that maybe I would give it a try, perhaps in arrogance, to see if it was really that good.
One evening, bored of being on my phone, I was in that mood of wanting entertainment that only a book can satisfy. I decided I’d start reading My Brilliant Friend because I thought it would be the perfect book to satiate that mood. Still skeptical, I began reading and was very interested in what appeared to be starting out as a mystery. It then dissolved into the beginning of the friendship between Elena and Lila. From the first few stories surrounding their youth, Lila is painted more like a bully than a friend. Immediately, I thought to myself, "why is Elena so captivated by this young woman"? I also wanted to separate them because I believed the relationship to be unhealthy.
Those first few instances are more explained in detail that captures Lila as less cruel and more interesting. Just from how Elena describes her friend and her own infatuation with her, I too became more interested in her. I wanted to know just how her mind worked and the thoughts that she possessed. I found it incredible for Ferrante to captivate an audience to be interested in this little girl and also concerned with how deeply Lenù (Elena) was affected by her. Just like in Sharp Objects, I began to think about my own childhood and the friends and classmates that I encountered. I tried to think about them individually and remember which ones made me want to change or act as they did.
Hardly, if at all, do we think about how our actions affect others in such a way that they desire to emulate us. We are only attuned to our perceived faults that we think it unfathomable that anyone would have such a desire. Reading these two young ladies and their peers grow up was like reading an autobiography of my own childhood. Nothing was the same yet it was all so familiar. The emotions and reactions were something that I didn’t even know had been impressed upon my memories, yet they came up so easily while I read. As her neighborhood grew up and became teenagers, I reflected upon my youth. I had the desire to tell my younger self that these insecurities were unnecessary and no one was thinking of you in the same light.
The times I was most disturbed by the relationship of Lila and Lenù was, in one moment Lenù expressed how awestruck she was with Lila, and then the next she needed to be better. As if her friend was only there to serve in a means of judging her self-worth and she’d be discarded as soon as Lila found no use for her. As soon as Lila became uninterested in something, Lenù’s whole life became disillusioned and she sullied around until she regained the approval of her dearest friend.
It’s unclear to me, after reading this first book, if Lila was aware of the impact that she had on her friend. I don't know if this was a time when people discussed their insecurities with their family or with their friends. But I couldn't help think to myself, what Lenù and Lila’s relationship would have been like if both had such a relationship.
Do you have that kind of relationship with your friend? Where you praise them and explain in detail how it makes you insecure? If not, do you think that would make your friendship stronger?
Perhaps more disturbing is that realization that many of us, myself included, want to be like Lila. Wanting to be adored by everyone, to be perceived as brilliant, and to have the attention that always seems to evade us. This desire was very evident in Lenù and Lila's friends. When they hit puberty before Lila, they considered themselves more beautiful. Thinking, I may not be smart like her but at least I have the attention of boys. Then, more glaring when she went through puberty and held the attention of many boys. The girls around her wanted to be like her but didn’t relinquish the opportunity to diminish what others saw in her. The boys competed with each other to have the affection of one girl. They fought and tried to appear more manly to prove they had the best plumage. Finally, envy took it's final form when Lila became engaged and everyone around her finally had the language to express just how hurt and insecure they were that she had all the attention they craved. It was amazing to see how in one breath one could profess love for her and quickly insult her once rejected. It’s like that moment when you’re walking down the street and a guy hollers to get your attention, then exclaims “you weren’t that cute anyways” after you tell him "no".
Why is it easier to masks our rejection and insecurity than be honest with ourselves and others? Do we simply not know how or think we’d be judged harsher for it?
Thinking about how Lila’s life had changed from admonition to adoration made me think about all of those times that I scrolled through Instagram craving to have the life of others and simultaneously liking mine less and less. I now consider myself to be relatively at a healthy point with my use of social media, but I also strangely find comfort in those addictive torturous feelings.
I won't compare and contrast the two books that I have read about friendship to one another because they are so vastly different. However, I did prefer My Brilliant Friend more but in a major reason that I connected with the characters more than Waiting to Exhale. I’m very curious how the relationship of Lenù and Lila will develop as they both become older and their lives change, but I will be taking a break from the series and most likely reading Bird Box by Josh Malerman next.